Family Game Night
by Lord Pikachu
Summary: Whether it's Pokemon or Call of Duty, Poker or Jenga Blocks, the members of Organzation XIII always try to get together once in awhile for a good round of... er... fun?
1. Poker with Monkeys

**Author Note: Ello to all, how are you? I was going to wait until I had at least three chapters done to publish this, but what the heck, I'll work on the others later. For now, enjoy!**

**Edited on 1/2/13: I noticed several mistakes and wanted to add italicies and bolding. So an edit was clearly in order.**

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**Chapter 1: Poker with Monkeys**

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**WARNING: FOLLOWING CONTENT IS FULL OF... ORGANIZATION XIII...**

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"It appears in rather obvious terms to myself - My good fellow Nobodies - that I now am in lead of this game!" Xemnas chuckled evilly as he laid down his handful of cards, "because starting from this very moment of shining, beautiful glory, my four kings will lay down my order and conquer you and all that is yours, squashing any petty dreams you may have previously had of winning! Suffer and tremble at the power of Number I of the great Organization XIII!" He thrust out his arms and seized the 112 munny, (101 of which was his own money he'd bet, the other eleven being antes from the other players, just to clarify,) in poker chips that sat on the table in front of him.

"...Dude, can you like _ever_ cut a statement down to less than five dozen words, man?" Demyx wondered, staring across the table at his boss. "You make my mind burn!"

"Yes, don't burn Demyx's mind - we wouldn't want to strain that last living brain cell of his," Zexion warned.

"Thanks Zexion," Demyx said earnestly.

Zexion just sighed.

"Aw man," Roxas whined, looking disparingly at his hand, "I didn't think anybody could top my house-full! And I had three A's too!"

"...'Full house', not house-full..." Luxord muttered, appalled at his cohort's complete lack of Poker terminology.

"Well then think again, Number XIII," Xemnas replied, "as you look at the havoc my forces have wrecked across the board! At the the pain they wrought! At the destruction, mayhem, and panic they've caused! AT THE-"

"You've won ONE hand..." Axel reminded him, "and only ELEVEN chips!"

"I hate poker..." Saïx muttered, pushing his lot of remaining chips into the center of the table, "I'm out for good. And now, I go and work on next month's schedule. ...Don't forget to tell the Dusks to put this wretched green folding table away when you're done." He pushed out his purple-striped folding chair from the large green poker table and strode out of the room, muttering to himself something about charts.

"Looks like it's down to eleven people," Marluxia noted as he threw a poker chip at the sleeping Xigbar. "Get up, idiot."

"Huh? What? Did I miss somethin' dudes?" He asked groggily and looked about him.

"I wonder why the girls didn't want to play..." Roxas wondered, propping his elbow up on the table and resting his head in his hand.

"Larxene said something about killing off the last of an endangered species or something," Marluxia explained to him, "and I don't know what the puppet's excuse was... She probably had to wax her strings or something," he laughed to himself. He paused a moment, then added, "and yes, you did miss something oaf, Xemnas won the round."

"Wha? That like, bites dude!"

"Would you stop talking like you're an illiterate?" Luxord snapped, "you sound like an idiot! It's like I'm playing poker with a monkey!" He slammed his fist on the table and accidentally knocked over his pile of chips. "Look what you've made me do, you fool!"

"Dude, don't say that," Xigbar looked downcast, "it's hurts; here." He patted his chest sadly.

"You don't have a heart in case you forgot Number II," Vexen reminded him as he began shuffling the deck.

"Oh, yeah..." Xigbar pondered this a moment, "well then it hurts me here," he pointed a little lower.

"Your spleen?"

"Sorry to butt into your, uh, 'intellectual' conversation, but deal the cards Number IV, will you?" Lexaeus asked impatiently.

"Alright, whatever," Vexen began dishing out cards to all the members present at the table. "Let's make this interesting - five cards, no-draw, gentlemen - and Number VIII."

"Not funny," Axel glared at Vexen, "I'm just as gentlemanly as the rest of ya!"

"Oh really?" Marluxia interjected, "anyone else feel the same? ...No? Figured as much."

"Look rosy-boy," Axel leered at him, "how 'bout I go and set fire to all your 'precious little babies' as you call them; being the fruitcake you are? After all, I LOVE the scent of burning flowers, don't you? Ain't it just... HEAVENLY?" He inhaled deeply, as if he could already smell the smoke and destruction.

"You wouldn't dare," Marluxia challenged him.

"Actually, I think I would," Axel retorted, then almost instantly, rushed off, summoning his Chakrams and setting them aflame. Laughing hysterically, he screamed, "**AHAHAHAHAH! BURN BURN BURN!**"

"NO! MY BABIES!" Marluxia shrieked, and gave chase. "YOU WILL **DIE**, AXEL!"

"I ALREADY DID!" Axel tossed back, reminding him of his status of a Nobody.

"Oh yeah... Then... you'll... DIE AGAIN!"

A few moments silence followed the scene caused by VIII and XI, everyone wondering what to do next.

"...Uh... Okay... so I guess they're... out...?" Xaldin wondered, "should we continue then?"

"Yes, can we PLEASE proceed with the events of the aforementioned game of cards we decided we would be dedicated to playing on this eve?" Xemnas asked, "I was, after all, winning, if I am correct in my statement?"

"Geez, why are ya so anxious dude?" Xigbar asked, "nothin' wrong with a little relaxation, man."

"Shut up." Vexen cut Xigbar off as he threw a card at him. "Nobody likes you you know."

"Ow man... Huh? Wha? Dude, this is like, so like, like, AWESOME! Man, you like, dealt me a straight flush! Look little dude," he showed his hand to Zexion, who sat next to him, "straight flush!"

"...First of all, get your filthy mitts out of my face..." Zexion said slowly, pushing away Xigbar's outstretched hands, "...and second of all, you don't show your cards BEFORE the round even begins, you moron!" Zexion slapped his forehead.

"Oh, yeah... Sorry dudes..." Xigbar blushed and smiled sheepishly.

"That's it, I'm THROUGH playing with you imbeciles!" Vexen yelled, "Here's a game that even somebody of even your brain caliber can play - '52 pickup'!" He flung the cards remaining in the deck across the table, causing them to scatter across the room. "I'm OUT!" He pushed out his chair angrily, and stomped off.

A moment of silence follow this scene as well.

"...So... who deals now?" Lexaeus wanted to know after said moment's silence was up.

"Um, Xaldin?" Luxord suggested, looking toward the other Nobody.

"Yes?"

"Would you like to deal?"

"Oh... Uh... Well I WOULD, but, ah..."

"What's wrong?" Roxas asked curiously.

"Well, we can't play without any cards..."

"But we have cards! Right there!" He pointed to the floor.

"Where?"

"Right there!"

"What, you mean THOSE?" Xaldin looked disgustedly at Roxas.

"Um, yes?"

"You would honestly get down on your hands and knees to pick up that deck of playing cards so inconsiderately flung about the room? You would really allow your dignity to simply shatter like that?"

"...What?" Roxas started blinked excessively, as was his habit when he didn't know something.

"No Roxas! That is exactly what Vexen WANTS you to do, you foolish boy! Don't you see? The villain wants you to pick up that deck and become his doormat!" Xaldin stood up, and walked over to Number XIII. Plucking him out of his chair, by the collar of his coat, he dragged him to a corner where a considerable amount of the deck had went. "You see these?" He asked.

"Yeah..."

"Good, pick them up."

"Alright," Roxas bent down and reached his hand out-

*_Smack_*

"OW!" Roxas rubbed the hand Xaldin had smacked away, "why'd you that?!"

"You're supposed to say 'NO'!" III yelled at him, "don't let me walk all over you, idiot!"

"Sorry..."

"NO! No 'sorries'! Sorry doesn't cut it, you wimp! Do you WANT to be a trampled-over lapdog for freaks like Vexen?"

"...**I HEARD THAT XALDIN!**" Vexen's voice was heard shrieking down the hall.

"Oh, shut-up!" Xaldin yelled back. "Anyway, Roxas, my boy, don't pick those cards up. In fact, don't ever touch them again. IN FACT, don't even THINK about them ever again, alright?"

Roxas stared blankly at Number III, and began his blinking again.

"Sigh... just... go to bed. It's past bedtime for insensible boys like you anyway..." Xaldin sighed defeatedly. Roxas left them, and Xaldin plopped back into his chair and slumped down, shaking his head. "I need something strong..."

"Don't we all," Zexion said as he put the last of the poker chips in the playing case and snapped the lid shut. He stood up, "I'm off to bed now, as all the 'excitement' with things seem to be over with here. Goodnight to all," he walked out.

"Yes, I'd better be getting to sleep too, so I can get my morning jog in before Saïx saddles me with my missions." Lexaeus yawned and stretched before getting up and leaving also.

"Game over," Luxord noted, heading for the kitchen, "coffee, anyone?"

"I'll have, dude, I'm not tired," Xigbar told him, "make sure you puts tons of cream in mine! ...I like cream..." he sighed dreamily.

"Yes, partaking in the consumption of the hot drink you intend to mix-up would be delightful, my deepest of thanks to you, Number X," Xemnas thanked him.

"I don't like coffee man," Demyx stuck out his tongue, "so thanks, but no thanks. I'm going to beddy-bye." IX took his leave.

"Glad he's gone, I must say." Luxord said once Demyx had left. "Quite the annoying player, isn't he? Anyway, anyone else? Xaldin?"

"Hmm?" Xaldin looked like he was coming out of a doze.

"Coffee?"

"Oh, uh... no... No, thanks all the same. I think I need a lie-down after dealing with the thickhead actually... and besides, it's rather late already." Number III looked at the clock on the wall, "time for sleep." He also left for his bedroom.

"So, three coffees it appears. Very good." Luxord left for the kitchen.

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Not very much happened after this, my good reader, except once the remaining awake members of the Organization finished their coffee and found try couldn't sleep, they decided to pull an all-nighter and stay up watching horror movies eating junk-food. And after the second movie was almost over, they found out their carpet was magical and could fly them to places like New Zealand, and France, and Constantinople - where they fought giant dragons and trollish monsters in order to preserve the universe and save the Milkshake kingdom.

What? Did you say you think a story showing the details of this would have been funnier than their game of poker? Nonsense! Now go on, shoo! It's probably past your bedtime as well!

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**Author Note: Well, it's done. I hope you enjoyed it, and please review! PLEASE review! I'm seriously on my knees now, people! REVEIW please! OR ELSE...**


	2. The TRUE Pokemon Master

**Author Note: Sorry ****for there being a bit of a lengthy wait on this, I was working on other stories and stuff... The next chapter will probably be out in a more timely fashion though I can't exactly promise anything...**

** Before I go on, I want to thank AnimeFan8922, Tsuna4Cn4s, Stars in the Night Sky, and an anonymous reviewer, (who brought to my attention the usage of the wrong currency last chapter, which will be fixed in a much-needed edit,) for their great reviews! You guys are the awesomest of the awesome! **

** By the way, upon reviewing this chapter, you and any new lucky reader out there who does the same, will receive a lifetime supply of cheese crackers and moldy avocados! Yay you! (Claps)**

** Anyway, without further ado - chapter two! (Hey, a rhyme!)**

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**The TRUE Pokemon Master!**

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It was a lonely, cold, snowy Tuesday evening in the World that Never Was, and each Organization member - with the small exception of XI and XII - were all doing what they did best on lonely, cold, snowy Tuesday evenings; lounging and loitering about in the Grey Area.

Yes, this really was their riveting activity for the night - though not their sole one. As some were reading light novels and also wishing upon their lucky stars that they could suddenly be whisked off to somewhere else; some sitting on the sofas and wishing upon their lucky stars they could be whisked off to somewhere else; some wondering about the progress of Kingdom Hearts and wishing upon their lucky stars they could be whisked off to somewhere else; one typing schedules furiously into a computer and wishing upon his lucky stars that the _others_ could be whisked off to somewhere else; and some others... er... playing their gameboys...

_Hydregion used 'Dark Pulse'! It's super effective!_

This little tidbit was the message that read out from the small text box at the bottom of Demyx's DS top screen. Number IX watched with unadulterated horror as his Slowbro's huge hit point bar slowly but surely depleted down and down and down to nothing - cursing barbarously as it promptly fainted.

_Slowbro fainted!_

"No fairrrr!" he whined after the sequence announcing his loss and his opponent's victory had past, "I shouldn't have lost that! I had it made!" He pursed his lips in that annoying pouting fashion. "Humph! You're just a big fat cheater Xemnas! You know that?!" He threw his gameboy on the ground in a fit of rage, and stormed away. Ten seconds later, he then realized the sheer stupidity of his impetuous act and went back to pick up the shattered remains of his device, bemoaning the game console bitterly and bawling his eyes out. "WAHHH! IT'S BROKEN!"

"AHAHAHAHAH! Cackled Xemnas, lifting his black limited-edition Kingdom Hearts Xemnas DS in the air and waving it about arrogantly for everyone to see, "THIS is what happens to the fools who DARE to challenge_ The Great Xemnas_! GAHAHAHA! _The_ _Great Xemnas _certainly is befitting for his name, hm? Has your courage been melted by this brilliant escapade on his part, good entourage? Or do you still insist on challenging _The Great Xemnas_ to a duel which you could not possibly win no matter how hard you struggle?"

"...Who was insisting on playing Pokemon with you...?" Luxord wondered, scratching his head as he did not recall any such conversation occurring.

"Well?" Xemnas asked, grinning evilly like the madman that he was. "NOBODY feels they can possibly compete with someone in such a high trainer category as_ The Great Xemnas_? Hm? Are you that much of spineless cowards?"

"That's it, I'm gonna shut you up once and for all," Axel snapped, closing his Pyro Monthly magazine and getting to his feet. Taking his flame red 3DS out of his back pocket, he pointed a finger at his leader and cried, "Me and my fire Pokemon will make you **BURN**! You'll be begging for mercy when we're done with you, Xemnas!"

"Hah! _The Great Xemnas _laughs with scorn at your challenge!" Xemnas cackled again and threw back his head with insane laughter. "And _The Great Xemnas _is very sorry, Number VIII, but it is YOU who shall kneel down and grovel for forbearance and goodwill! GAHAHAHA!"

"...Psst, Zexion, why does he keep calling himself 'The Great Xemnas'? Roxas whispered to Zexion, who sat reading on one of the grey sofas beside him.

"He thinks speaking in the third makes him sound tyrannical and evil," Number VI explained to his colleague without looking up.

Roxas blinked a few times, digesting this, before asking, "...Does it?"

"In my opinion, Roxas, it makes him sound more like something that- well, come here..." Roxas leaned over and Zexion quickly whispered something into his ear.

"Oh..." Roxas' eyes widened. He turned around and peered over the back the back of the couch with eyes that were wide with wonder. "So you mean he's one of those things people call a jack-"

"Zexion!" Luxord yelled, quickly placing a hand over XIII's mouth, muffling his curse. "You have no need to add the words of the ruffians to the boy's vocabulary!"

"He asked," Zexion stated nonchalantly in his defense, his eyes still not straying from his book page.

Meanwhile, Axel and Xemnas were engaged in a heated argument about the superiority of their individual Pokemon; never actually getting to the battle that would really decide which team of monsters was really superior.

"My Magmortar could roast your Weavile alive and you know it!" Axel declared, putting his hands on his hips in a know-it-all fashion.

"Hah!_ The Great Xemnas_ says 'hah' to you! Hah! Hah! Hah!" Xemnas heavily emphasized each 'hah', saying it slowly and deliberately. "Don't you realize that his Weavile could easily withstand your puny Magmortar's fire type attacks even with the added super effective damage! Then his Pokemon would launch an obviously more powerful and superior blow and utterly destroy your deformed beast!" Xemnas crossed his arms and huffed in a satisfactory manner, obviously pleased with his argument.

"Yeah right!" Axel retorted, rolling his eyes and turning up his nose arrogantly, "like that'll ever happen!"

"Oh, but it will Number VIII... it will..." Xemnas said mystically, a shadow coming over his face, "and you'll see that grand, climactic, self-esteem shattering event right before you fall to your quivering and knocking knees, begging and begging _The Great Xemnas_ for mercy that you will not in your wildest of wild dreams even hope to ever attain! So even though now you stand there - full of shameless pride and uncompromising belief in your own abilities - just know that you will fall, and it will be all the harder..."

Axel paused a moment, wondering how he could top such a terribly imperious and pompous speech. He found after a brief contemplation, he could not, so he simply repeated, "Like that'll ever happen..." Though it was said with much less confidence this time around.

"Huh! Nothing to say but a consistent stream of hillbillic short phrases, eh?_ The Great_ _Xemnas_ has chortles at your expense, ignoramus!" Xemnas laughed heartily. "Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah!"

"One: Hillbillic, is not a word," Zexion interjected, "two: That last line was flat out plagiarism; three: I hate you, and you're ugly.."

"**_THE GREAT XEMNAS_ SHALT NOT BE MOCKED, BOORISH FOOL! SO HE SILENCES YOU!**"

"Oh, how frightened I am at your wrath - oh great Xemnas," Zexion replied in a bored tone, slamming his book shut and getting up and approaching the group, "I quiver and tremble at your mere 'mighty presence'."

"_The Great Xemnas_ senses sarcasm..."

"The Great Xemnas is correct in his assumption."

"Hey! Can we get back on topic here?" Axel asked, not liking his conversation being forgotten.

"By all means Axel," Zexion told him, "by all-"

"Zexion!" Luxord broke in.

"I wasn't going to curse, Luxord," Zexion rolled his eyes, "I wasn't - I promise."

"You weren't?" Roxas asked, "but Axel told me emo boys always curse..."

Zexion glared at Axel. "Man! How many times must I tell you people that I'm. Not. Emo!"

Until we believe you presumably..." Axel said and laughed immediately at the cleverness he was sure his statement had possessed. Though Zexion was not nearly so amused as he:

"Shut up you-"

"Zexion!"

"I wasn't! And that also goes for you too, Luxord!"

"...Look, Zexion," Luxord began, walking over to where the squabble was taking place and putting a hand on VI's shoulder, "I just want to make sure our younger group members are bred in a safe, curse-free environme-"

"Oh please." Zexion waved him off. "Don't you go and give me that safe and secure c-"

"**ZEXION!"**

"**I WASN'T**!"

"Then what were you going to say, may I just ask?"

"I was going to say... er... 'contradiction'... Yeah... contradiction..."

"No, you were not!" Axel accused. "Admit it - you have a potty mouth!"

"I do not!"

"_Zexion's got a potty mouth! Zexion's got a potty mouth!_" Axel sang, beginning to dance around the room. This was done with such terrible, terrible choreography that it really embarrassed him more so than Zexion - though Number VI clearly didn't think this.

"Shut up!" he yelled at him, getting a bit red in the face.

"_Zexion's got a potty-mouth! Zexion's got a potty-mouth!"_

"Axel, if you don't knock it off, I'm-"

"Alright, that is it!" Saïx jumped up furiously from his spot in the corner at the computer, "I am through listening to you idiots garble on and on about your insane garbage! It is beyond fathoming, how every cursed day of my not-life, you can argue and argue about the same useless things! So I believe I'll just keep you out of my hair for a bit with a few **CHORES**!"

After the traditional unanimous chorus of disapproval and whining at the prospect of housework, Saïx began to bark out orders to all those present with the obvious exception of Xemnas. "You, Emo Kid in denial, go get dinner started - and don't poison it; you, kid I hate, quit whining, get off the floor, and go and sweep the chimney or something - anything that may be potentially hazardous to your health; you, Number VIII, go and dust the thrones in Where Nothing Gathers; you-"

"Hey, wait! I have a question!" Roxas interrupted, raising his hand as he again peeked over the back of the sofa.

"...What is it, Number XIII?" Saïx asked irritably.

"Well, if nothing gathers there, why would we have to clean it?" Roxas asked curiously, cocking his head to the side.

Saïx blinked a bit. He then turned to Axel, and said, "...Change of plans: You, Number VIII, take this noose I have been having serious contemplations about using, take that thing, and find a tree. It's rather self-explanatory."

"Now now, Saïx," Axel gingerly took the rope from his colleague's hands, "you don't really want anybody to choke little Roxas now do ya?" Axel walked over to where XIII sat and ruffled his blond hair playfully. "After all, he is our source of hearts."

"Hey! Stop that Axel!" Roxas said in protest, knocking Axel's hand away.

"Oh come on, you know you love it!"

"Hmmm... that statement you previously made was very true, VIII..." Xemnas noted, nodding slightly and looking uncharacteristically thoughtful, "very true indeed... So there is no alternative but heretofore, Number VII,_ The Great Xemnas_ hereby bans thee from placing any sort of death warrants on any participating members; and this laws shall also ban thee from ordering assassinations along these lines as well with the exception of Superior-authorized missions."

Axel gave Saïx a funny look and snickered, making VII turn away.

"Yes, sir," Saïx acknowledged the chiding, but inwardly did an eye roll.

"Heh, so I guess it's time for that battle now, eh Xemnas?" Axel asked, smirking.

"That is Superior or _The Great Xemnas_, to you, VIII. And yes, it is."

"H-Hey, wait a minute - I still have chores for them, Superior!" Saïx broke in spluttering.

Xemnas scoffed, "Huh! Chores! Who needs such drab and dismal things? The Great Xemnas has done not a single one in his not-life, and look where it has gotten him."

"Translation: Look where I have gotten him..." Saïx muttered under his breath.

"Did you say something, Number VII?" Xemnas asked.

"No sir..." Saïx replied with feigned innocence.

"Oh... well that's quite good. ...Anyway now you and_ The Great Xemnas_ shall have that battle, Number VIII." Xemnas said, though gesturing for everyone - not just Axel - in the room to follow him. "Come all, proceed to the stadium."

"Stadium!" Saïx snorted and rolled his again in disbelief, "it's a pair of stupid gameboys! What do you need possibly need a stadium for?"

"**SILENCE**!" Xemnas roared, stamping the ground with his boot.

"..." Saïx did silence outwardly, but inside he boiled with rage.

* * *

After a few minutes of walking about the castle, the twelve members of Organization XIII who were in the group Xemnas had collected walked into a large, circular-shaped room. The room had absolutely nothing in it; not a single lamp, window, or even flashlight was present in the area. Of course, this was a normal sight for the assembled Nobodies, as none of them were used to seeing light sources anyway, because all the rooms in the castle were somehow lit without these things anyway. What did make the room stand out to them, however, was the large round indent in the room's center, that stretched for approximately fifty feet across the floor - nearly covering the entire diameter in length.

"When did this get here...?" Saïx wondered aloud as he regarded the chamber, astonished and angry a room in the castle had been overlooked by he and his regime of Nobody charges.

"You and_ The Great Xemnas_ shall do battle here, Number VIII," Xemnas explained, pointing across the floor's indent to the other side of the room, "take your position there, please, and then battle will be commenced. Prepare yourself for a great and utter defeat at _The Great Xemnas_' hands!"

"Not likely!" Axel replied, running over to his side of the arena and made the world go all swirly like in the anime as he broke out his gameboy. "Bring it on, 'Great Xemnas'!" He said mockingly as he powered on.

"Remember, VIII," Xemnas said, glowering as he too brought out his device as well and powered it on dramatically, "this battle, shall decide, the fate of your world..."

"Excuse me?" Saïx asked bewilderedly, cleaning his ear to make sure he'd heard correctly.

"T_he Great Xemnas_ felt that a statement showing dramatic feeling was in order for such a momentous occasion as this! So shut up, be quiet, and watch!"

"...I have never heard of someone needing that much dramatic feeling for something as stupid as gameboys before..." Saïx uttered under his breath.

"What was that, Number VII?"

"Hm? Oh, I didn't say anything Superior..." Saïx pretended to look confused.

"Oh..._ The Great Xemnas_' mind must be playing tricks on him... He could have sworn you muttered something..."

"Nope... And thank goodness that you - being the moron that you are - are hard of hearing..."

"What?" Xemnas asked.

"Nothing..."

"Hey!" Axel shouted, waving at Xemans. "Am I on a waiting list or something? Let's start this! Huh?"

"Patience is a virtue, Number VIII..." Xemnas stated before getting ready to link his game with Axel's. "Now then, let _The Great Xemnas _and you begin the battle that will determine who may hold the great and glorious status of: _The TRUE Pokemon Master!_"

* * *

**TO BE CONTINUED**

...

...

Just kidding.

* * *

"Hey, Luxord, are you taking bets for this?" Zexion asked his cohort as they watched from the sidelines.

Luxord nodded. "Who can I put you down for? And for how much?"

"Xemnas," Zexion told him, counting out 200 munny and passing it to X, "just to spite Axel."

The Gambler of fate was about to reply sharply to this begrudging act, but decided in the end to hold his tongue - as he would simply be dismissed anyway.

* * *

_ Charizard used Fire Blast! It's not very effective..._

"Grr..." Axel gritted his teeth as he realized he had made a stupid move using Fire Blast when he knew Xemnas had a Tentacruel to switch into the attack. "Of all the-"

"Axel..." Luxord chided from the audience, shaking his head

"Hah!" Zexion smirked at Axel, giving VIII reason to glare in retort.

"Well, Number VIII?" Xemnas asked expectantly as he studied his nails. "_The Great_ _Xemnas_ wonders what your next move will be!"

"Rrgh! I'll use Solar Beam!" Axel yelled, "Attack Charizard!" he was really wishing he could do something a little more exciting than tap the move on his screen to back up his exclamation.

"Hah! The Great Xemnas is - as you young people say - way ahead of you!"

_Return, Tentacruel!_

"No way!" Axel slapped his forehead. "Not again!"

_Just a little more, hang in there Mandibuzz!_

"...I'm really curious now... How old is he...?" Marluxia asked Vexen.

Vexen looked up from the notebook he was scribbling in. "Well, I believe last time I checked, he was- hey! Wait a minute, where did you come from? The Superior had told us all that this room was a secret!"

"Secrets from me?" Marluxia scoffed. "Please, Vexen!" The Graceful Assassin laughed heartily. "Anyway, I messed up Zexion's sock drawer and came to gloat about it." he smiled devilishly.

"You did WHAT?!" Zexion screamed, perfectly horrified his perfect order of socks had been dismantled. He immediately rushed off to fix what Marluxia had desecrated.

Both IV and XI ignored his outburst. "...What are they doing?" Marluxia asked, turning his attention to his two colleagues doing battle and screaming at each other.

"Oh, some type of heathen blood sport or something... I wasn't paying much attention; I was studying this Green-Breasted Lemur." Vexen pointed to a small metal cage containing some type of furry animal with a bright green chest. "It really is quite an interesting specimen."

"No offense Vexen, but oversized rodents don't really interest me that much..." Marluxia looks with distaste at the lemur.

"It's not a rodent!" Vexen shouted.

"Still don't care."

"You're such an ignoramus!"

"Hah! That's rich! Calling me an ignoramus when you have them to choose from!" XI pointed to Roxas - who was picking his nose and studying the contents intently - and to Axel - who was licking dirt off the side of his gameboy screen.

"Well they qualify without question..."

* * *

_ Blastoise used Hydro Pump! It's super effective!_

"No! Stay with me Blaziken!" Axel yelled as he watched his Pokemon's health deplete. "C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! You can survive! You can!"

But Axel's Blaziken's HP continued to get lower, and lower, and lower... until finally...

"Yes! Thank goodness!" Blaziken barely survived Xemnas' Blastoise's onslaught; one measly hit point remaining after the powerful blow. But that was all Axel needed for his comeback. The world once again went into a swirly alternate dimension as he commanded his final Pokemon to attack. "Now then Blaziken, finish that over-grown tortoise with a Sky Uppercut attack! Our victory is near!"

"Grr..." Xemnas began to sweat nervously.

"Hey, Luxord, are you taking bets even in the late-game?" Xaldin asked X as he approached him.

"Of course, a gambler's job is never done. Where can I put your munny?"

"Um... Axel, most definitely." Xaldin told him and put 300 hundred coins in Luxord's hand. "...I know what I put down." He reminded the him.

Luxord chuckled, "Smart move, Number III; I see that you remember the phrase: _He_ _who trusts a shill, will get his money made to nil_."

"...What does a shill have to do with this...?"

"Nothing - I was trying to come up with some sort of parable or lesson or something..."

"How about: _A fool and his money are soon parted_?"

Luxord looked at Xaldin a moment, and blinked a few times before he glared and yelled, "Huh! Well if I'm too dumb for you, how about you go and find another bookie!" He dumped Xaldin's munny on the ground.

"**Hey!**" Xaldin shouted.

"...Psst, still taking bets?" Zexion pulled Luxord away from the rest of the spectators.

"From everybody except for Monkey-Face over there..." Luxord looked angrily toward Xaldin, who had decided a few moments previous to not pick up his scattered munny; lest he violate his boatload of pride.

"I see..." Zexion looked contemplative. "Well... I want to put a bet on Axel now... to soften my landing from all the munny I'm about to lose on Xemnas' defeat..."

"Mm..." Luxord clicked his tongue disappointedly as if he was criticizing Zexion for choosing Xemnas in the first place. This ticked Number VI off, but he didn't show it, simply placing 1000 munny in X's palm.

"It will be well watched," Luxord assured him before he put in... well... wherever he puts it.

Though we should get back to the battle, as now it was at its decisive and climactic point.

* * *

_ Blaziken used Sky Uppercut!_

"Haha!" Axel jumped for joy as he read the message displayed on his screen, "Ha! And that's the end of you and your ego, Xemnas!"

"Grrgh! Well, you may have won now, now, Number VIII, but-"

_Blaziken's attack missed!_

"Say WHAT?!" Axel asked in alarm, eyes going directly back to the screen.

Both Xemnas' and Axel's eyes widened as the new message took over the text boxes on their screens.

"**AHAHAHAHA!**" Xemnas cackled, cracking his knuckles in elated preparation for what would be the true finishing blow. "THIS, FAIR AND UNFORTUNATE NUMBER VIII, IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SO IDIOTICALLY TANGLE WITH THE WORLD'S MOST POWERFUL AND BRILLIANT POKEMON TRAINER! THIS, _THE GREAT XEMNAS_ IS AFRAID, IS WHAT HAPPENS, WHEN-"

"Uh... Xemnas...?" Demyx began, looking at his leader's screen oddly, "You had better finish this thing soon... your gameboy is about to-"

"DO NOT INTERRUPT _THE GREAT XEMNAS,_ IDIOT!" Xemnas snapped.

"But Xemnas, it's your gameboy, it's about to-"

"_THE GREAT XEMNAS_ SAID NOT TO INTERRUPT HIM! NOW THIS, HE REPEATS, NUMBER VIII, IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SO FOOLISHLY-"

"But Xemnas!"

"GRR... WHAT, PRAY TELL, COULD BE SO IMPORTANT IT WARRANTS THE INTERRUPTION OF _THE GREAT XEMNAS_' BRILLIANT VICTORY SPEECH?!"

"Your gameboy, it's about to..."

*_Boop_...*

"Go dead..." Demyx finished, looking at the device sheepishly as he pursed his lips. He then scratched his head and shrugged. "Well... I was trying to tell you... it really wasn't my fault you weren't listening..."

Axel stared at his own screen in a happy, yet guilty manner, while reading the message in the little text box:

_Error Code 86420:_

_Your opponent has disconnected._

Xemnas' right eye twitched slightly as he took in the news.

"...Well, if it makes you feel any better Xemnas," Axel started, "we can just say you won... as you probably would have anyway..."

"T-That's all right... Number VIII..._ The Great Xemnas _forgives you..." Xemnas said, his voice cracking midway through the sentence. He then sniffled sadly, realizing his being a windbag had cost him his glorious victory. "...He... forgives you..." Xemnas let his head droop.

"Oh, don't cry Xemnas!" Xion ran over and patted him on the back in an attempt to comfort him, "Please stop crying! You know we hate it when you cry!"

"...We do?"

"Shut up Vexen!" Xion snapped.

"Hey! Don't you dare go and speak that way to your creator, puppet!"

Xion stuck her tongue out at Number IV angrily.

Vexen huffed as he shook his head. "Kids these days - no respect whatsoever to their elders!"

"Hey, Xemmy dear c'mon, just look on the bright side how about?" Marluxia suggested, squatting slightly to look Xemnas in the eye.

"...That was one of the most horribly structured sentences I have ever heard..." Xaldin slapped his forehead.

"Who asked you, Monkey Face?"

"Would you all stop calling me Monkey Face?! I bear no resemblance to any sort of monkey!"

"Personally, I think you're the missing-link Evolution scientists are looking for..."

"Come closer and say that..."

"Hey, Luxord..." Zexion discreetly pulled Number X away from everybody once again, "could I maybe ask you a quick question...?"

"What is it Zexion?" Luxord asked.

"...Well, what's going to happen to the munny put down now that the match is sort of a tie...?"

"Why, to the gamblers who bet on a tie as the outcome of course!"

"Who bet on that outcome?" Zexion asked bewilderedly.

"Um, just let me check the log I've been keeping for this..." Luxord pulled from his cloak pocket a small green notepad, "I recorded all the better's names, and the amounts they put down right in here... Ah - Here it is! Let me see..." He studied the notepad intently. "Well well well! It appears to me that I am the sole participant who was lucky enough to come out on top! I guess I'm to take the pot I suppose!" He smiled happily and walked off to store his won munny safely away in his safes.

Zexion stifled a sniffle as he watched his 1200 munny and a countless amount from the others go toward the unholy cause of Luxord's bottomless horde. "I'm upset..."

"News flash Emo Boy: Nobody cares!" Marluxia told him dismissively as he strutted past on his way out.

"And now I'm murderous..."

"Well, that was... interesting..." Saïx said slowly, with 'interesting' being a euphemism for 'a (beep!) waste of my time!' "But now let's all head back to the Gray Area where I'll assign chores."

"Dude!" Xigbar cried as Number VII ushered him out, "that was like, an AWESOME match!"

"Very nice, Number II," Saïx said curtly, "but it's time for a bit of work to be done, and I don't appreciate-"

But, I was like on the edge of my seat the whole time!" Xigbar told him.

"As I said - wonderful - but I need you to-"

"This was actually even more radical than that time me, you and Xehanort went to that bar down the road from Burger King in Radiant Garden, and you took off your pants, and-"

"**THAT'S ENOUGH, XIGBAR!**"

"Oooh... does little Saïx have secrets?" Axel materialized next to them wide-eyed with the prospect of juicy gossip.

"Never you mind." Saïx replied, meanwhile glaring at Xigbar.

"Hey, like, Saïx dude... you'd better move... you're like holding up the line man..." Xigbar pointed to the other members of the Organization, waiting for them to move from the doorway.

"Oh, sorry, I- hey! Wait a minute, I was the one telling you to- oh whatever..." Saïx held his head. "I'm going to bed!" The Luna Diviner stomped off, allowing everyone else to leave the room and enter the hall.

"Well... It's turned out to be a more eventful evening than expected, eh Xemnas?" Axel grinned as he slapped Number I on the back whilst laughing.

"I apologize, but I am much to upset and tired to converse with you at the moment, Number VIII," Xemnas said, "just please leave me be..."

Axel shrugged. "Alright Xe- HEY! Wait a minute, you're referring to yourself in the first person again!"

It was Xemnas' turn to shrug. "I just don't feel the drive for doing it another way anymore..." he waddled away sadly.

"...I hope he's going to be alright..." Roxas looked worriedly down the hall after their leader.

"Ah, he'll be fine," Axel dismissed him, "the guy's pretty tough."

* * *

I'm am sad to say, good reader, that this is all the events that occurred that cold, lonely snowy Tuesday evening with, of course, a slight exception to the fact that the remaining ten Nobodies in the assembled group on their way to their way back to the Gray Area, encountered a large yellow bull who tested each of their individual strengths in an ancient tradition from the Furnickle tribe called Aubu Blahblahblah. Then Zexion, being the only one in their party to pass this excruciating trial, then went with the yellow bull to become a rodeo clown and save the Mushroom Kingdom through the Power of Dance. After saving the Mushroom Kingdom, Zexion did have to win a lawsuit filed against him by Mario for impersonation, but this was a minor, minor thing, as were the others, and barely worth mentioning anyway. So you can just go off and do whatever it is you planned to do after reading this. Okay? Go on, shoo!

* * *

**Author Note: Alright then... that was pretty fun to write! Though I don't know if it came out as well as the previous chapter... Your opinions would be appreciated! You can put them in those REVIEWS you were going to write. No, seriously, review please - we feed on them in my country!**


	3. Scruples are for Losers

**_ The Dreaded Note from the Author: No real excuse for the lousy update time again... Oh well... Thanks to Rowin Wolf and Miwasaki Yuki rin for their reviews on the last __chapter!__ Enjoy!_**

**_3/25/13 EDIT: Four is on the way, but in the meantime this chapter had some spelling issues that needed contending with._**

**_3/27/13 EDIT: This is now three AND four in one chapter._**

* * *

**Chapter 3: Scruples are for Losers**

* * *

"So what's our 'funfunfun' family game for tonight...?" Zexion asked with apparent disinterest, planting his head on the wooden table with a sigh. Xemnas was quick to reply to his query, always willing to show off a verbose 'and obviously superior' speech:

"I have sent trustworthy Number X to search the deep, deep, confines of the old hall closet; a trusty flashlight in hand and the good help of Number III to aid him in his mission of finding perhaps one small article worthy of the play of my colleagues and I." And then without missing a beat - or even taking a breath, he continued, "But they must have been somewhat delayed; as they have not informed of us their progress for quite a considerable amount of time... Though I'm sure that they may best any sort of rogue dust bunnies or spiders that may lay in their path - being of course, members of the elite Organization XIII."

"Well, thank you very much for their life stories, Xemnas," Zexion said sarcastically, "but I think a simple 'I don't know,' would have sufficed; don't you?"

Xemnas shrugged and answered, "Such short, boorish, and quite frankly - plain frail and boring - phrases just disgust me. They are so awful, I make it a point never to add such grotesque language to my extensive and obviously superior grand assortment of vocabularic words."

"...Vocabularic isn't a word..." Vexen whispered with an eye roll.

"QUIET, OAF!" Xemnas roared, leaping to his feet and smashing his fists against the table, "IF THE GREAT XEMNAS SAYS THAT VOCABULARIC IS A WORD, THEN VOCABULARIC IS A WORD!** IS THAT CLEAR TO ALL PRESENT?!**"

"Great, now you've set him off with the third-person talk again!" Zexion slapped his forehead.

"Oh, wonderful." Marluxia shook his head.

"THE GREAT XEMNAS BELIEVES HE ASKED: IS THAT CLEAR?"

"It's clear," all others stated without much enthusiasm.

"And now that that's all over and done with," Zexion turned his head to face Lexaeus beside him, inquiring of him a more understandable account of the whereabouts of Xaldin and Luxord than the one that Xemnas had given him.

"They did go into the closet some time ago..." Number V admitted after being asked. Scratching his great chin thoughtfully, he then added, "About twenty minutes I'd estimate... Though we have heard a noise from them from time to time... so I suppose they're most likely fine..."

As if on an exact cue from this statement on the part of the Silent Hero, an immediate loud crash followed by still louder clamor and a great amount of scuffling was heard down the hall from the Grey Area, obviously its source being the hall closet - or rather more the Luxord and Xaldin that it contained.

"Hey!" Saïx shouted, banging his fist on the table as terrible thoughts of his beloved ceramic pot collection being damaged went through his head. "What are you two idiots doing in there?!"

"This fool," Luxord voice echoed into the room as another crash was heard, and a cry of pain from Xaldin, "insists on molesting me! Despite my obvious objections! I implore you to remove him from my person! No! Let! Me! Go!"

There was probably about one-millionth of a second of silence - if that much - before all Organization members at the table - with the exceptions of innocent XIII and XIV - instantly jumped to their feet with horrified looks on their faces; the same, terrifying thought passing through all their minds at once - and in front of Saïx's ceramic pot collection too!

"WHAT?!" Xemnas roared.

"EWWWW!" Axel screamed, sticking out his tongue.

"Impossible!" Saïx shouted, "Xaldin has credentials!"

"AGHH! THE IMAGE! IT BURNS!" Marluxia screeched as he pulled and yanked at his long pink locks, crumpling to the floor in psychological pain and shock. "GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD! GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD! GHAAAA!"

All Xigbar could do to relay he understood the severity of the situation was to gag and choke on the coffee (with looooots of cream) he was drinking; eventually falling to floor blue in the face as he tried to regurgitate the hot liquid. But that's not important right now, so we'll move on.

"Axel?" Roxas asked absently as he watched Number V attempting to scar Number II for life by performing cardiopulmonary resuscitation on him. "What's everybody getting so upset about?"

"Yeah," Xion piped in, cocking her head to the side, "what's going on?" Both children looked up at Axel with big blue eyes that could and would put Bambi to shame.

"Uhh..." Axel began awkwardly, beginning to twiddle his thumbs as a bead of sweat ran down the side of his face. He racked his brain for a reply that wouldn't lead to more questions he did not want to answer. "W-Well... Um-"

"Hey! Xaldin! Off of Luxord!" Saïx was heard commanding off in the distance.

"But it was he who started it!" Xaldin declared, pointing angrily to Luxord.

"I started it?!" Luxord gasped, looking flabbergasted. "How dare you insinuate such a deplorable explanation!"

"Well, if you would have simply handed over the box like a civilized being-"

"You're calling me uncivilized, Monkey Man?"

"MONKEY MAN?! WHY I OUGHT TO-"

"OUGHT TO WHAT?"

"HEY!" Saïx interrupted, stamping his foot, "knock it off!" He then breathed deeply once before continuing, "I think you both - particularly Xaldin - have some explaining to do."

"Hey! Why single me out?" Xaldin questioned.

"W-Well... because Luxord stated that you... you..." Saïx began to look a bit uncomfortable, "that you... er..."

"Oh!" Luxord broke in. "No! Not that kind of molesting you merry old fool! Hahaha!" Luxord slapped Saïx on the back with a hearty laugh. "What I meant was that he was aggressively impeding me! I wanted you to get in here and get the brute off of me! What a silly ninny you are!"

"Ah... I-I see..."

"Brute? Me?" Xaldin scoffed. "Only a snake would call an innocent man such as I a brute!"

"I am not a snake! You're simply a toad!"

"You are too a snake you pig!"

"I am not you cow!"

"You are too you-"

"HEY!" Xemnas' voice boomed through the castle above their racket, they could feel his face becoming red with rage. "YOU AND ALL THOSE BARNYARD ANIMALS IN THERE WITH YOU HAD BEST COME OUT HERE RIGHT NOW WITH YOUR OH-SO SORRY TAILS BETWEEN YOUR PITIFUL LEGS OR YOU SHALL FACE PAINFUL AND VERY SLOW ERADICATION AT THE HANDS OF ALL OTHER PRESENT MEMBERS OF THE GREAT ORGANIZATION XIII WHO ARE LED AS YOU KNOW BY THE POWERFUL AND AWE-INSPIRING GREAT XEMNAS!"

Immediately - well, immediately after the earsplitting echo faded anyway - there was a quiet pause as silence took over the former noise of Luxord and Xaldin's brawl. Back at the table glances were exchanged by the parties present as they anxiously awaited the coming of their colleagues. Then slowly, but quite surely, Luxord and Xaldin padded into the Grey Area with large frowns on each of their faces; they were being prodded along by Saïx.

After Number VII had again taken his seat, Xemnas turned toward Numbers III and X. He leered menacingly at the both of them and looked them up and down individually - as if to size them up. He then tapped his finger to his chin repeatedly as he contemplated how he would address the situation. He mouthed a few words here and there as he attempted to come up with a powerful and compelling speech to suit the occasion. After a bit of scribbling on a napkin and rehearsing in the bathroom, he said to the two offenders:

"Four score and seven years ago-"

"Xemnas, get on with it!" Axel urged.

"Oh, all right... Please explain quite clearly and with proper mannerisms and grammar both to the parties assembled here today the exact events that occurred within the grey storage closet in question; so that the edict deciding your fate may be more fairly and justly issued by the judge before you."

"Aren't judges elected officials...?" Demyx questioned, cocking his head to the side.

"SILENCE!" Xemnas shouted, the room echoing his booming cry yet again.

"EEP!" Demyx did a tiny, mouse-like shriek before retreating to a safe haven under the table.

"This might explain why he never learns anything..." Axel muttered.

"DID THE GREAT XEMNAS GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK?!" Xemnas demanded as he turned to face Number VIII.

"Freedom of speech is one of the first rights listed in the constitution Xemnas," Axel replied, "you should know that." He shook his head and clicked his tongue disapprovingly.

"...This isn't America..." Zexion reminded him.

Axel looked at Zexion a moment. "...Oh... yeah... How 'bout that..." he said as he scratched his head.

"And that means: THE GREAT XEMNAS DECLARES THIS A COMMUNIST COUNTRY! YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPEAK!" Xemnas yelled.

"Whatever you say, Mr. Stalin!" Axel said with a smile and a quick salute.

"BE SILENT!" Xemnas screamed as he had Saïx quickly stick a piece of Mr. Sticky's Super Sticky Ducky Duct Tape over Number VIII's mouth.

"...What kind of guy walks around with his own duct tape...?" Marluxia asked.

"A guy who's prepared!" Saïx replied, tucking his tape into his pocket and patting it triumphantly.

"Prepared? For what? For his world to "fall apart"? AHAHAHAHA! That was funny!"

"...No it wasn't..." Zexion murmured.

"Shut up."

"Please excuse The Great Xemnas, but if the Campfire Girls don't mind stopping their meeting for just a moment: HE'D LIKE TO FINISH BERATING AND EVEN PERHAPS INJURING THESE TWO INGRATES FOR CAUSING RUCKUS IN AND POSSIBLY DAMAGE TO HIS GREAT AND GLORIOUS CASTLE! SO SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!"

Once again, silence reigned supreme as Xemnas let his blood-pressure return to the its normal, though still well-above human levels. Then, he slowly opened his mouth, and addressed Numbers III and X:

"Once again, please tell those assembled the exact order of events that took place. The exact events please."

Luxord and Xaldin looked at Xemnas, then looked at each other, then looked at Xemnas, and then looked at each other. Then each took a brief breath, and:

"This idiot-"

"This madman-"

"When I was simply minding my own business-"

"There I was, not harming a soul with my-"

"And then he suddenly just assaulted me-"

"And from behind came a wicked laugh before I was set upon by-"

"Alright! Alright!" Saïx interjected, attempting to soothe Numbers III and X into having a rational, one-at-a-time debate. But his efforts were in vain, as they did absolutely nothing in the way of halting the argument.

"So taking a step back for good measure, I-"

"Then after gaining a good distance from my new opponent, I-"

"HEY! HE SAID '**ALRIGHT**'!" Xemnas shouted above the clamor as he stamped his foot to silence the arguing members.

"..."

"..."

All was quiet.

Again.

Xemnas narrowed his eyes, glaring most intensely at Axel, Luxord, and Xaldin. "...The Great Xemnas really does hope that the lot of you are quite pleased with yourselves and your insane acts of sheer ludicrously; as you have succeeded in providing him with a splitting headache." Xemnas held his head and turned to those seated at the table. "He will take for granted that at least some of you are somewhat capable of finding a game suitable for someone of his high social and economic caliber to play: So please do so. He will now go and take some high-quality, expensive and obviously superior brand of aspirin, while you decide on this evening's pass-time. Numbers III and X will be temporarily forgiven for their transgression, as The Great Xemnas hasn't the energy to deal with further shenanigans. He will see you in a few minutes." Number I lumbered out of the room sullenly.

Luxord and Xaldin stood awkwardly for a moment after Xemnas had gone, as if wondering whether they were allowed to sit or not. Which was more or less true - though probably more so. But soon after being nudged by Roxas and Xion, the pair slowly took their places among the group. Following this, a bit of explaining their individual sides of the story how the fighting had started happened, and inevitably, each gained their own set of sympathizers. This caused a quick unanimous agreement that it would be best to simply drop the whole thing and never bring it up again; lest they start warring among themselves. None wanted the Banana Affair to repeat itself. So that's what they did. Now we move on to where the actual build-up to the game happens, as that has been alluding us long enough:

"So what's our 'funfunfun' family game for tonight...?" Zexion asked with apparent disinterest, planting his head on the wooden table with a sigh. He then looked about him curiously, getting the strangest sense of déjà vu.

"Well, I'm actually glad that you asked Zexion," Luxord stated with a smile, plopping a dusty red game box none noticed he had been holding on the table before his assembled colleagues. "I found this little gem collecting grime in the back of the closet-"

"You mean I found it..." Xaldin muttered.

"What happened to forgetting about it...?" Zexion asked. Xaldin just scoffed.

"Anyway," Luxord broke in, "I thought it looked quite an interesting concept upon reading the back of the box."

"_Scruples_..." Larxene read, standing up and taking the withered box in her hands to study the writing on the cover. "...Sounds like a disease... Lame!" she tossed it over her shoulder dismissively. Of course it hit Demyx.

"Hey!" Number IX yelled as the box collided with his face, making him splutter from all the dust. "Cough! Cough! ...What was that for?!" he demanded with a whiney flair.

Larxene snorted and whispered to Axel beside her, "Watch this," she then turned and leered at Number IX menacingly, "Problem Demy-dear?" she asked with an evil smile only she could properly pull off.

"Uh... No...?" Demyx said uncertainly with no short amount of fear and chattering teeth.

"That's what I thought." Larxene dropped back into her chair triumphantly.

"Hey, when did Demyx crawl out from under the table?" Axel wondered.

"Shhhh!" Xaldin chided, smacking Axel on the back of the head. "Remember the '_Ignorance of the plot holes'_ rule!"

"Hey! But you just broke the '_Don't break the fourth wall_' rule!"

"But now you just broke the '_Don't mention to a person that they have recently broke the fourth wall due to you would therefore be breaking the don't break the fourth wall rule yourself_' rule!"

"There isn't a rule for that!"

"Umm... May we please get back on subject people?" Luxord asked with a twinge of annoyance in his voice. "As I said, I-"

"Nobodies..." Vexen muttered.

"...Excuse me?" Luxord asked, turning to face Number IV.

"Nobodies..." Vexen repeated, "not people... Nobodies..."

Luxord stared at Vexen for a moment with a somewhat murderous glint in his eyes, his entire being shaking with an inner rage. But then he accessed that great white cabinet within his heart full of inner peace, love and all that rot. After the hippie junk, he just took a deep breath before saying, "So I believe we'll play this tonight, all in agreement?" a few shrugs and a couple of raised hands were seen all along the table.

"Very good then." Luxord plucked off the lid of his box. This, of course, caused a spray of dust to shoot up into the air, causing a second choking fit in addition to the first on the part of Xigbar. And as Number II was quite barely recovered from his initial wrestle with ol' Death, this put him and those little stars dancing about his vision very close to the bright lights. Though as you've probably guessed, not important. Moving on:

"Hmm..." Luxord mused as looked over a very wrinkled piece of paper he he had pulled from the box, studying the rules of the game. "So it seems that the gist of the game is this: I'm to pass out five yellow cards, each with a moral dilemma," he passed out randomly from a yellow deck of cards the aforementioned cards; making sure to pass out the proper amount also to Xemnas' empty spot, knowing that Number I would throw a certain fit if he had been overlooked even in absence. "And then, pass out to each player a single red card, with either 'yes', 'no', or 'depends' written on it." Luxord passed out red cards as well. "Then, taking a question written on one of their yellow cards, a player must ask the question to the person whom they most think will reply with the answer on the red card. If the answer matches the red card, the player asking the question gets rid of their yellow card and red card, and picks up a new red card. In this way, the game tests how well players know the other players. The game is over when someone gets rid of all five cards. Clear enough?"

"Wait..." Saïx suddenly said, narrowing his eyes as he contemplated something, "this 'game', as you call it, sounds a lot more like an invasion of privacy and a personal affront rather than a simple tool created for the purpose of mild amusement..."

"'Tool created for the purpose of mild amusement?" Axel snorted, rolling his eyes. "Who taught you that line?"

"It is of my own creation - thank you," Saïx replied curtly.

"Look," Luxord broke in, annoyed, "are we playing or not?"

"...Fine..." Saïx slumped into his chair, sulking while Luxord began to prep the game.

* * *

"So... Who's going to go first?" Xaldin asked curiously after they had all sorted themselves out.

"I shall," Xemnas declared, by this time he had returned to the group - his first person speech restored to him. "As I am, of course, the obviously superior Number I of the great, elite group that is Organization XIII. As such I will go first. So..." he squinted at the yellow cards in his hand intently. "I believe my question shall be for... you: Number IV."

"Me?" Vexen questioned.

"Yes, you! Last time I checked you were Number IV! Haven't you any ears, infidel?"

"...The context was completely wrong for that word you know..."

"Shut up."

"It was a rhetorical 'me' anyway you know..."

"Must you put 'you know' at the end of every sentence?!" Xemnas asked angrily.

"Maybe you know."

"I despise you..." Xemnas frowned before reading the question off of his card:

_You're strolling in the park, when you see a hurt dog limping along the road a few yards off. Do you attempt to help the animal?_

"Does it count if I use it as a guinea pig afterward?" Vexen asked.

"No!" Everyone shouted at the same time. Well, except Larxene - but that's a given of course.

"Well then, no! I don't! Let the beast die for all I care!"

"Hah!" Xemnas hurrahed triumphantly. "I was correct in my prediction!" He tossed his red card in a discard pile along with his yellow, and picked up a new one. "I am off to quite a good start it appears..." he said with a wicked grin.

"I guess like I'll go next since I'm like, Number II dudes," Xigbar said as he studied his own cards. "Hmm... Oh! Alright, this one is for the Axel!" He read off the card:

_Visa_

_1027846701347561_

_Expiration date: 11/15_

_Saïx Saïx_

"Er... depends...?" Axel said uncertainly.

"Hey! That's my credit card!" Saïx shouted. He snatched the card from Xigbar's grasp. "Why you little-"

"Accident, bro!" Xigbar cried, holding up his hands. "I don't know how that got there! Honest!"

Saïx ignored Xigbar, looking somewhat confused as turned his recovered credit card in his hands. "I don't get it... This was safely tucked into my wallet! How did... oh, who even cares anymore?" He crumpled into his seat and buried his head in his hands. "I should have listened to Mother and went to medical school..."

"Dude... I-I made him cry..." Xigbar whispered sorrowfully. He got up and walked over to Saïx. He patted his shoulder. "I'm sorry man... I didn't-"

"I'M NOT CRYING!"

"But dude-"

"DON'T. TOUCH. ME."

"While they settle their marital dispute," Xaldin interrupted, "I'll go. Normally I'd probably ask Saïx this question, but as he is currently 'out of action' I guess, I'll turn to Demyx instead."

"Great." Demyx deadpanned, slumping in his chair. "I just love being the second choice."

"Whatever," Xaldin waved him off.

_You're on an airplane, and a lone child sitting behind you begins to constantly push the assistance button. Do you berate the child despite his not being your own?_

"Well," Demyx mused, "since I'd probably be sleeping-"

"Let's just say you're awake." Xaldin told him.

"Well, if I was awake, I'd probably be playing my sitar..."

"You wouldn't be allowed."

"Well, if I wasn't playing my sitar, I'd probably be eating-"

"You've just finished."

"Well, if I wasn't eating, I'd probably-"

"Good heavens above, Demyx!" Xemnas exclaimed. "Just answer him, would you?! Yes or no?!"

"Uh... No I guess..." Demyx shrugged.

"...Very well." Xaldin glared at his 'Yes' card as he threw it down. "Go ahead, Vexen."

"My question is for the... puppet..." Vexen said.

_You are given an opportunity to receive a lifetime supply of riches and fame alike, but you must murder your own best friend to obtain it. Do you go through with it?_

"No," Xion stated plainly, shaking her head.

"Hah! Just as I thought!" Vexen discarded his card with a smirk. "That's that!" He crossed his arms triumphantly, and sat back to wait.

...Wait for what, you ask? Well that was quite obvious, silly one; for somebody to stir up some kind of trouble of course!

So he waited. ...But... nobody did stir up trouble. Silence filled the room as everyone else waited too... They waited... and waited... and waited... and waited...

They waited... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited...

They waited... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited... and-

"AGH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Zexion screamed shrilly and crumpled into a heap. His skinny, limp body fell to the floor dramatically.

Silence reigned as everyone stared at Number VI's body a moment.

"Phew, finally I can go," Lexaeus let out the breath he had been holding and studied his cards, chewing his lower lip a few times before saying, "this question is for Larxene:"

_You see a hippopotamus get harpooned just a few feet from you. Hunters come out from the bushes with... marshmallow swords... Do you attempt to stop the hunters from... jumping on the creature...?_

"Wait, what?" Lexaeus stared at card a moment.

"...Excuse me?" Larxene asked.

"Um... that's what the card says..." Lexaeus shrugged as he laid the card down to show it to all those at the table.

"Well who made up that ridiculous question?" Saïx asked.

"I think I might know why this game was in the back of the closet now..." Luxord mumbled.

"Hey, guys; look!" Roxas pointed at the card. "On that on the back of that card it says '_Special Insanity Edition'_!" Number XIII's eyes widened at this revelation.

"Oh, so it does..." Lexaeus noted as he saw the writing too. "But strangely, it doesn't say that on the back my others..." He looked carefully over his others cards only to find that they were missing the logo.

"I guess we had two sets at one point, and then somebody mixed them," Axel attempted to explain the reason behind the strange logo. "That's probably what happened."

"Number VIII is most likely correct in his not-so-far-fetched projection." Xemnas nodded, pleased with his subordinate.

"But what shall we do about it?" Saïx asked. "I don't want to play if we have to use these stupid questions!"

"You sound like you're six!" Marluxia laughed.

"When are we having a meeting about that raise you requested again?"

"I'm sorry."

"Good."

"My fair Nobodies," Xemnas broke in, "please stop this argumentation and act like mature men! Let us-"

"Xion's a girl though!" Roxas objected. "She can't act like a man!"

"Well, maybe I could Roxas," Xion looked thoughtful. "Though I never tried to burp and scratch at the same time before..."

Pretty much all the others at the table glared dirtily at Xion; except for Larxene - who started guffawing merrily.

"Peace, XII!" Xemnas silenced her. "Now then, if Number XIV is done making those oh-so-funny wise-cracks, I believe we can move on to the-"

"Hey, now that I think about it, what about me?!" Larxene demanded. "I'm a girl too, you know Roxas!"

Roxas' eyes widened. "WHAT?!" He looked at Larxene bewilderedly.

Number XII's eyes narrowed. "Why you little punk-"

"HEY! **SHUT UP!**" Xemnas screeched at the top of his lungs. "THE GREAT XEMNAS WAS SPEAKING!"

"Oh, great!" Axel banged his head against the table. "Can we _ever_ get through a game without setting him off on the third-person speak?!"

"What'd I miss...?" Zexion asked weakly as he crawled back into his chair.

Xemnas did a brief deep breathing exercise his Yoga instructor had taught him in order to calm his demeanor. He then began again, "If everyone could be so kind as to be but deathly quiet for a very short, short, thirty seconds, The Great Xemnas shall explain that he wants them to vote on wether or not he and his colleagues shall allow these 'Insanity Edition' cards should be counted as valid in the game. **ALRIGHT?!**"

"Alright, fine." Luxord raised his hand. "I vote that we should; it'll make this game all the more heart-stopping and blood-boiling!"

"...It's _Scruples_..." Saïx scoffed. "You make it sound as if we're the mafia; playing Russian Roulette."

"**SHUT UP AND VOTE!**" Xemnas yelled.

Demyx looked at Xemnas confusedly. "Wait, how can we vote if we have to shut-"

"You don't want to finish that sentence."

"Okay..."

"Look," Saïx attempted to get everyone's attention. "We should all just do as the Superior says and vote. Personally, I vote 'No.'

"I vote 'Yes'!" Axel nodded his and raised his hand.

"I vote 'No'." Larxene rolled her eyes. "And those of you who are voting yes are just proving how immature you really are!"

"...So you really are a girl...?" Roxas asked, leaning over in his chair and staring up at his colleague.

"I'M GONNA-"

"Larxene!" It did take Lexaeus, Xaldin, and Luxord to restrain her, but eventually Number XII was convinced that she could not conveniently murder Roxas.

At least not then, anyway...

"Look, may The Great Xemnas and his team of elite individuals just please vote on wether or not they should utilize the **STINKING STUPID CARDS?!**"

Just when everyone was about to start talking and arguing once again, the dessert bell rang out of the blue; calling them to come and consume the Marshmallow Choco Fudge Cake that during the afternoon, they had fawned over so lovingly. Obviously after hearing about this vulnerable little gift from Heaven, the entire subject of the vote was dropped, the group immediately made friends, and then racked their brains trying to remember where the kitchen was in their huge castle as they began seeking it. Their game, was all but forgotten; as after all, scruples are for losers anyway.

* * *

Not much happened after this, good reader, except that when the good group that was Organization XIII began to fumble through their castle, searching for the kitchen the held their much-sought Marshmallow Choco Fudge Cake, they stumbled into the castle basement. There they met a pink penguin name Choodo who told them that if they took the Magic Hula-Hoop and Cucumber of Darkness from the sleeping whale Tingle-Bub who lay at the edge of the world's biggest hot-tub, that they would be able to harness the power of the Martians of Tomato; thus gaining the ability to eat hamburger seeds without need for regurgitation. After doing this they used their power defeated the Wicked Lamp of Talldressa and freed the hillbillies of Dudea by singing _The Impossible Dream_ with a barbershop cortequet. But this was all boring, boring, boring. No idea why you wanted to hear about this mundane adventure (if you could even call it an adventure,) anyway. Now, shoo! Off with you!

* * *

**Author Note: Anyway, good? Bad? Rather hit yourself with a brick than read it again? Tell me your thoughts in a REVIEW!**


	4. Always a Blockhead, Part 1

**Author Note: Howdy doodles, everyone! How are you? I'm back to do another round of Family Game Night!**

** Before I get moving here, thanks to thisplaceilove, Fiore-the-Dragoness, Jexak, Tsuna4Cn4s and L for reviewing chapter three! Hope you'll do so again this time around!**

** Speaking of chapter three, it's about 2,000 words longer now in case you want to read it again; I originally intended it to be two parts, but I scrapped that idea. So yeah...**

** Moving on to the present, this chapter concerns Minecraft; a personal favorite of mine. To assist those who are unfamiliar with the video game, I have written this chapter in a fashion that sounds like our beloved Organization members are actually ****_living_**** the game, to make it read somewhat easier to those who aren't as nerdy as I. Just remember that in the story's reality they're really just pressing buttons on their computers, making a few gestures, and talking to each other and themselves. So yeah, enjoy!**

* * *

**Always a Blockhead, Part Uno**

* * *

In a world... filled with nothing but blocks - there lurks fourteen shadows, ready for action...

"Alright, what's our goal here again?" Saïx asked as he looked about the blocky world formed around him with much disdain, really wishing he had decided to do the laundry today instead (the Dusks never do it right, they don't even press his underwear.)

"Our first step is definitely to build a house - to protect us from the elements," Axel explained as he walked over to a mound of dirt, beginning to gather it. "After that, we can start-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, there are ELEMENTS out here...?" Roxas asked fearfully. "W-What are Elements? Why do we need to be protected from them? Huh? What's wrong with these Elements? Huh? Why do we need protection?! Why Axel? WHY?!"

"Roxas!" Axel attempted to soothe the boy - who looked as if he was about to go into cardiac arrest - by patting him reassuringly on the shoulder. "Stop fussing! When I said 'the elements' it was just a figure of speech! I didn't mean anything by it! Don't worry, no 'Elements' are coming to get you; I promise."

"Oh... phew..." Roxas looked quite relieved. He wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead and let out a breath he'd been holding.

"...Says the Element..." Larxene said in passing, at a level _just_ audible enough so Roxas could understand. Number XIII paled in response.

"C-Can I have my own bedroom Saïx?" He asked nervously, walking a few feet from where the big concentration of the group stood talking to find the Luna Diviner sitting alone and very bored on a pig.

"Why are you asking me of all people?" Number VII snapped at Roxas in response to the query. "I don't want to be here, and have absolutely no idea as to what we're doing! I could have gotten the laundry done today! (The Dusks never do it right, they don't even press his underwear.) Perhaps I could have organized my file cabinet too! I'm probably going to end up missing my culinary class! I-" Saïx had wanted to gripe and rant and yell some more, but his pig began to walk away from Roxas, inadvertently taking Number VII with him. "Hey, you stupid animal! Get back over there!" Saïx attempted to direct the pig, but it ignored him. "I have more to say to him! Hey! HEY! How do you dismount from this thing?! Hey!"

"Dude... what's he doing...?" Xigbar asked as he watched a screeching Saïx unwillingly ride the pig into a nearby lake, where they both began to sink.

"AGHHH!" Number VII yelled as the pig dived down. "_Blub... blub blub..._"

"He doesn't know how to dismount..." Roxas explained to Number II.

"Oh... did you tell him how?"

Roxas shook his head.

"Oh... Why not dude?"

"Because I don't know how to do it either..."

"Oh..."

"I could ask Axel..."

"Yeah?"

"Oh wait, I can't... As I just found out that he's an Element..."

"Oh..."

"I could ask Zexion..."

"Yeah?"

"But he's mean..."

"Oh..."

Er, anyway, back with our more so intellectual characters, Xemnas was complaining very earnestly about the 'style' Axel had picked for their shelter; as it didn't really suit his taste for grandeur at all.

"You want to build up from the ground a house of dirt?" Xemnas asked with horror as he watched Axel make a small square as a basis for their soon-to-be home. "Really? A home of _dirt_? Are you quite certain that this is not a jest?"

"Yeah, what's the problem?" Number VIII asked curiously as he began building up the left wall.

"It's unhygienic! That's the problem! Open your eyes, Number VIII! We'll be sure to catch all kinds of diseases whilst living among the worms of the dirt!"

"Oh please Xemnas," Zexion began to gather wood from the trees in order to make a table they would use for crafting purposes, "it's only a temporary shelter to last us a few days; we'll move on to bigger and better things eventually. Once we get a few Diamonds under our belts, it'll only be a matter of time before you can have a castle all your own."

"I don't care," Xemnas replied snootily, turning away from the other thirteen members of Organization XIII. Unlike you all, I happen to have what is referred to as dignity; and if you won't build me a nice house in which to reside, I'll go and live without your presence." He proceeded to walk away from the others.

"We've only just started! You're not seriously quiting are you?"

"On the contrary!" Xemnas turned to face Axel again. I'll do as I said I would; making a living on my own!"

"You'll never make it out there on your own Xemnas!" Axel warned him. "Not with your lack of Survival knowledge!"

"Yeah!" Demyx seconded. "And since Axel told me we're playing Hardcore Mode, you can never come back! You'll be lost forever!"

"Oh please," Zexion snorted, "let him go; by nightfall he'll be crawling back to us, begging for food and shelter." His faced darkened and he sneered. "But we won't give it..."

"You know, I really worry about you Zexion, as you have become a lot more villainous and dark since we've started playing these games..." Lexaeus stared at Number VI queerly. "I've heard that video games can have violent personality deficiency side-effects, but your condition seems quite extreme..."

"I don't have a condition," Zexion waved him off with a roll of his eyes, "you're just paranoid and obsessed with disease."

"You have too changed," Lexaeus insisted, looking sternly at his colleague.

"I have not."

"You have too."

"Have not."

"Have too."

"Have not."

"Have too."

"Have not."

"Have t-"

"ARRGHHH! SHUT UP AND STOP ARGUING WITH ME OR I'LL SLIT YOUR THROAT!" Zexion screamed, his eyes glowing blood red and his teeth instantly growing sharper, looking as if a crazed fan-girl had just turned him into one of those cliché vampire characters.

"See what I mean?" Lexaeus asked as he poked a tooth of Zexion's.

"Ow! That hurt!" Zexion recoiled and rubbed his mouth - his strange new image for some reason dissolving and returning him to normal.

"Admit it, you've gotten quite evil."

"Alright, alright - so I'm a little meaner. It's probably just stress."

"That's a lot of stress..."

"Back to what we were talking about," Axel broke in in an annoyed tone, "Xemnas, don't go; we all want you to stay!"

"That's alright, Number VIII," Xemnas replied, looking dramatically towards the mountains, "I feel as if I'm being pulled toward the mountain range actually; I'm certain that there is something important for me to do there... And I must find out what it is!"

"You won't survive..." Demyx reminded him.

"You underestimate me, Number IX!" Xemnas shot back. "Nothing shall ever overcome the great, obviously superior Number I of the brilliant group that is Organization XIII! Nothing! Conquest is his mission; and that mission shall be completed!"

"Well, if you absolutely _have_ to go," Axel began, "you had probably better head towards the ocean instead of the mountains," Number VIII gestured toward the seaside just visible in the distance. "There are fewer monsters out there - it'll be an easier living."

"Hah! I fear not these 'monsters' you speak of!" Xemnas heroically began to strut up the mountain, with total disregard for the warnings sent him. "The word 'easy' exists not in my vocabulary to boot! Take the road far less traveled I say! Nothing shall stand in the way of my quest for mastery of the world!"

"...Hey, 'Master of the World'," Xaldin tossed a Wooden Sword to Xemnas, "you'll at least need a weapon if you insist on exploring the mountains; however fragile."

"I need not your pity!" Xemnas stated angrily as he tossed the sword back to Number III. "Nor any sort of charity! I am invincible! I am not by nature able to be bested! I dare these monsters who you insist haunt this land to come and attack me!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you..." Xaldin stated blandly. "They might just take you up on that..."

"Quiet, Number III!" Xemnas snarled.

"You sure you want to go?" Axel asked.

"Quite sure. Good day, Organization XIII." Xemnas began to hop up the mountain, leaving his companions far behind. "Perhaps one day... we'll meet again."

"Drama Queen..." Zexion rolled his eyes as Number I slowly and heroically strode up the mountain.

"You know his going means there's one less farmhand..." Luxord sighed as he hacked at the ground with his hoe, searching for seeds.

"Hey, make sure you put the garden next to the house dear," Marluxia poked his head out the window as he put the beef Larxene had gathered into the oven with a few logs. "After all, I don't want have to go so far as that hill whenever I need to water my tomatoes."

"We're not growing tomatoes," Luxord called to him, "we're growing wheat!"

"Oh... Well I still want it near the house."

"Fine Marluxia - I'll put it near the house." Luxord reassured XI.

"Thank you dear." Marluxia pulled his head back into the house. "Hey, Axel - sweetie - would you mind finishing the roof? I'm catching a cold in this draft!" Marluxia pointed at the rather large "skylight" above him.

"We don't need a roof yet..." Zexion told Marluxia, as he placed a wooden chest next to the oven, "the night won't be coming for awhile - we still have plenty of time. Besides, we don't have torches yet, there'd only be light from the grates in the door."

"But I want a roof!"

"Don't worry Marluxia," Axel reassured him, "I'm getting to it - I just want to finish this pick." Number VIII currently stood at the Crafting Table by the little dirt hut's front door, making... something...

"What is it? What are you making?" Xion asked as she watched Axel craft.

"I told you, a pick - a Stone Pick" After he had finished, Axel tossed the newly made object to Vexen, who stood nearby the house's front wall studying a cow with intense interest. "Here Vexen. Now you take that, and the shovel you made, and begin digging down into the hill. If you find us some Iron, I'll make you an Iron Pick, and then you can mine that Redstone you've been wanting to make inventions with."

Number IV must've been pleased, as he did that evil scientist grin as he looked at his new tool. "Good, after I obtain this 'Redstone' material you told me of, I'll be able to create a few crude models of some inventions I've been confused as how to make in the real world." Number IV went behind the house toward the hillside and began to dig into the ground, searching for Iron that would make his day.

"Those must be some pretty complicated inventions he plans to make..." Xaldin noted as he watched Vexen begin the process of mining. "As they would have to be more complex than a living, breathing Nobody crafted from primarily memories..." He looked curiously at Xion.

"...What?"

* * *

Meanwhile, the lovely, arrogant, dramatic, (we could go on,) villain who went by the name of Xemnas was somewhat less well off than the rest of the crew; his former Superior bravado from earlier had pretty much dissipated as he found himself hungry, miserable, and very, very lost in the great snowy mountain range.

"Perhaps I should have taken some food..." Xemnas said to himself, frowning deeply as he crossed over a frozen pond. "I wonder if there are any fruits lying among those trees..." He looked at all the plants growing at edge of a ridge above him hungrily.

After he had climbed up to where the trees sat, Number I smacked at one of the plants experimentally, checking to see if any goodies would drop down. And to his surprise and utter glee, some did.

"Goodness gracious!" he shouted happily as a bright red apple fell to ground before him. "What luck!" Xemnas devoured the newfound fruit heartily, his endurance returning. But being the greedy and lustful fellow Number I was, one measly apple was not enough at all to satisfy; so he swatted some more at the leaves of the tree, in search of more food. To his dismay, none appeared.

"Hmm..." Xemnas pondered a bit, wondering what the trick was to making those apples pop out. "Maybe it has to be the top branches or something... The first one I got came from a top branch..."

So Number I began to dig a bit at the dirt below him, collecting a couple pieces so that he could build a little stepladder up to the treetops where he could conveniently search for his coveted fruit.

"This should be enough," he said in a satisfactory manner when he had collected about ten bits of the stuff. He then walked on over to the nearest tree, and placed his dirt blocks in the proper succession for a staircase, adding one level every other placement. In a few brief moments, Xemnas was now standing on the tree's trunk.

"Perfect!" He stated happily, triumphantly placing his hands on his hips. "Now I can start searching for those apples..."

So Xemnas smashed up the leaves of his tree with zeal, stripping it down to the bare wood and eagerly collecting all the apples it dropped.

"Ghahaha! Apples! Apples! All mine! All mine!" Xemnas was now gleeful to an evil extent. "But why stop at one tree and six apples?" He gestured around himself. "Look at all trees here! Imagine all the apples! I'll strip them all! Ahahaha! Kill the trees! Kill the trees! Ghahahaha!"

* * *

"...Why do I feel this sudden strange urge to kill Xemnas...?" Xion asked Axel out of the blue.

Despite having had similar sentiments on more than one occasion, Number VIII was still quite taken aback. "I... don't really know..." he replied awkwardly, discreetly taking just a few steps back from his colleague.

"Is she going on some Environmentalism tangent again?" Zexion asked as he threw Marluxia some beef to fry up. "Because it's going to be night very soon and you guys were working I thought."

"Hey, what's wrong with caring about the enviromen- WAIT A MINUTE, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?!" Xion screamed as she saw Zexion pass the meat. "WAS THAT BEEF?!"

"Yeah..." Zexion answered, furrowing his brow at her rather extreme reaction.

"WE'RE YOU JUST OUT KILLING COWS?!" Xion asked, wide-eyed.

"Yes, I was..."

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! THERE'S ALL THAT BREAD IN THE CHEST!"

"Relax Xion," Number VI replied, "it's not I'm killing any real animals; so just chill."

"I HAVE TO GO MAKE A GRAVE!" Xion snatched the roasting meat from the oven and bolted immediately from the house.

"What a freak..." Zexion murmured.

"Hey, anybody here see Saïx as of late?" Luxord asked, poking his head in the door. "I can't seem to find the chap."

"I haven't seen him," Axel shrugged his shoulders, "either of you guys seen him?" He turned to look at Roxas and Xigbar, who were sitting in the corner doing... nothing, yet looking quite guilty.

For some reason the two began sweating.

"Uhhh... No...? Uh, no! Nope." Roxas vigorously shook his head.

"I didn't see him either dude, uh-uh." Xigbar followed his example.

Then seemingly spontaneously, both Nobodies realized at the exact same moment that they each had something very, very important to do that they had forgotten, and quickly ran on out of the house.

"We'll be back in a bit!" Roxas explained as he and Xigbar darted away, shutting the house's door behind them. "Just have a few things to do!"

"Yeah dudes - things to do! Be back real soon!"

"Hey, be careful out there dears!" Marluxia called after them, "nighttime is coming, and you don't want to get lost! Meanwhile I'll keep your supper nice and hot for you!"

"This whole house thing is bringing out a motherly side to that man that is really freaking me out..." Axel looked bewilderedly toward Marluxia as XI pulled his eighth loaf of bread that day out of the oven.

"We could kill him..." Zexion suggested.

"That better had been a tongue-in-cheek statement..."

"Whatever..."

* * *

** TO BE CONTINUED**

** ...**

** IN YOUR NIGHTMARES**

* * *

**Author Note: Okay then, how was it? You like? Don't like? Tell me by utilizing that little review box down there, alright?**


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